Quite often, bullying comes in innocuous forms. So much so that the one on the receiving end may not recognize it and becomes conditioned to accepting it.
Perhaps these are the more fortunate ones.
The ones who do recognize it but don’t know how to fight it become affected, down and possibly weaker in spirit.
Bullying among friends is scarily quite common, and possibly even more so in sports teams. As a mother to two young girls, I’ve witnessed my fair share of the tears and hurt, and can only pray that my kids are not the perpetuators.
It may start off innocently enough, with someone casually commenting that a subject has put on weight or slowed down, or hasn’t got his/her priorities right, etc. But when the same person continues passing comments, the conversation gains traction and the whispers that go around the team become louder and louder. And inevitably come back to the subject.
Whether the subject is already struggling with his/her personal issues becomes secondary and the team dynamics – one of rooting for each other and cheering each other on – completely fall apart in the face of judgements already passed.
Whatever the reasons or motivations, openly criticizing your fellow young athlete is NOT going to help build him/her, so don’t use that as an excuse. And neither is “it was just for fun” or “she enjoyed the teasing” acceptable justification.
My kids read my blog, so I won’t embarrass them by sharing their experiences. But suffice to say that I was horrified to discover the kind of snide comments in speech and text passed about a teammate’s performance or fitness or even priorities. But perhaps even more disturbing was an older girl making a younger girl uncomfortable by teasing her about a senior and talking about adult situations. And this younger girl was just 10!
I don’t accept that the sporting environment has to be more judgy and more critical and more b*tchy than any other social environment. Because I believe that you’re a person first, sportsperson next, and a competitor somewhere down the list.
Attrition among young athletes isn’t always due to balancing studies vs sports, or a lack of talent or other usual and obvious reasons. It could be insidious peer bullying that’s hard to put a finger to. And it’s a pity if a young athlete promising or otherwise decides to drop out because of that.
I still believe that participation in sports has huge benefits for every child, not just in terms of physical fitness and development, but also in character building and benefiting from positive peer influence and a culture of team spirit.
So I truly hope that our young athletes will grow up as good persons and strong sportspersons, well grounded in sound values and well prepared for success in both sports and life.
This is my prayer for my own children. As well, that they are strong enough to walk away unscathed from any bullying, and just as importantly, strong enough to stand apart from bullies.
Speed Skater Mom 